A Real Confession
Hi. I'm Jen and I...have a confession.
I sit on toilet seats. Pretty much everywhere. Even Port-A-Pots. And I have something to say.
Are you listening?
I am sick and tired of sitting on urine because you don't sit on toilet seats. This causes me a lot of stress. This is a national crisis, people. And I know I'm not the only person affected by it.
The thing is, those of you who squat are the ones who are ruining it for everyone. Have you ever sat on a toilet seat, say, in your home, and encountered stray urine? No. Do you know why? Because you're using the toilet the way God intended: from point-blank range. So that means that the squatters of the world are the ones who are making it so everyone has to squat. You are not avoiding the problem, you ARE the problem. See what I'm saying?
Why do I sit on toilet seats? Am I crazy?
No, no I'm not. No one ever got AIDS on their ass cheeks. Plus, HIV/AIDS isn't spread through urine, and neither are many of the other diseases you are afraid of, like the Heps or other STD's. And in the unlikely event that they were spread that way, unless your cheeks (or, really, your upper thighs) have open wounds, you'd still be safe because human skin is a pretty cool organ that has the amazing quality of keeping the bad stuff out and the good stuff in.
Last week I attended my annual back to school faculty day at a regional university. I was in a room with professional people, many of whom hold Ph.D.'s in fields I do not understand. The meeting was held in a newly renovated building with a brand new bathroom, and I imagine the cleaning staff do an excellent job in there because literally, everything your body may encounter is shiny white tile-- not very forgiving, huh? Anyway, during a break, I went into a bathroom and sat on the toilet, and guess what? When I got up, my cheeks were not dry. What the hell, people? We are an educated bunch with very low-risk factors for spreading disease. Why did anyone feel the need to squat there, of all places? 7-11, I understand the need... you don't know who's traveling ahead of you, have no idea where their ass cheeks have been before they sat on that toilet. (I still happily sit on toilets at *most* gas stations) But in a brand new bathroom filled with professional educators? Come. On. I'm convinced that whoever squatted there also squats at home.
I read an article about this topic in Shape magazine a million years ago (here it is, if you're interested!), and apparently, using the semi-squat method to pee in public can actually have negative effects on your body and bladder, including potentially causing UTI's. The same is not true for peeing outside when you'd probably use a sub-90 squat position to pee, because your body is able to fully relax and expel all of the urine in your bladder. It is possible that squatting to pee may be more detrimental than just going full-cheek! DO YOU HEAR ME???
While I am someone who cares about the environment, I have a proposal for those of you who feel like your ass cheeks are too good for public toilets: use the nest method. One of my friends nests all toilets (only when she poops in public because naturally, she squats otherwise). I'm suggesting nesting instead of squatting, which entails using extra toilet paper (sometimes an obscene amount of paper) to make a barrier between the seat and your delicate bits before you sit. That way, the invisible (and non-existent) diseases you are trying to avoid won't touch your skin. When faced with a particularly grimy toilet at a rest stop, for instance, I will employ this method. I wipe the seat first, then I make my nest. It's pretty easy, requires less effort than squatting, AND is kind to the next soul who will use the toilet after me.
Ultimately, that's what it's all about. Being kind to others, and leaving places better than you found them. Right? Imagine the ripple effect we could make if all women joined together in an international pact to end squatting on public toilets. You'd have happier, healthier, drier women ready to face the day with confidence. So, I'm starting the movement. Will you join me?
I sit on toilet seats. Pretty much everywhere. Even Port-A-Pots. And I have something to say.
Are you listening?
I am sick and tired of sitting on urine because you don't sit on toilet seats. This causes me a lot of stress. This is a national crisis, people. And I know I'm not the only person affected by it.
The thing is, those of you who squat are the ones who are ruining it for everyone. Have you ever sat on a toilet seat, say, in your home, and encountered stray urine? No. Do you know why? Because you're using the toilet the way God intended: from point-blank range. So that means that the squatters of the world are the ones who are making it so everyone has to squat. You are not avoiding the problem, you ARE the problem. See what I'm saying?
Why do I sit on toilet seats? Am I crazy?
No, no I'm not. No one ever got AIDS on their ass cheeks. Plus, HIV/AIDS isn't spread through urine, and neither are many of the other diseases you are afraid of, like the Heps or other STD's. And in the unlikely event that they were spread that way, unless your cheeks (or, really, your upper thighs) have open wounds, you'd still be safe because human skin is a pretty cool organ that has the amazing quality of keeping the bad stuff out and the good stuff in.
Last week I attended my annual back to school faculty day at a regional university. I was in a room with professional people, many of whom hold Ph.D.'s in fields I do not understand. The meeting was held in a newly renovated building with a brand new bathroom, and I imagine the cleaning staff do an excellent job in there because literally, everything your body may encounter is shiny white tile-- not very forgiving, huh? Anyway, during a break, I went into a bathroom and sat on the toilet, and guess what? When I got up, my cheeks were not dry. What the hell, people? We are an educated bunch with very low-risk factors for spreading disease. Why did anyone feel the need to squat there, of all places? 7-11, I understand the need... you don't know who's traveling ahead of you, have no idea where their ass cheeks have been before they sat on that toilet. (I still happily sit on toilets at *most* gas stations) But in a brand new bathroom filled with professional educators? Come. On. I'm convinced that whoever squatted there also squats at home.
I read an article about this topic in Shape magazine a million years ago (here it is, if you're interested!), and apparently, using the semi-squat method to pee in public can actually have negative effects on your body and bladder, including potentially causing UTI's. The same is not true for peeing outside when you'd probably use a sub-90 squat position to pee, because your body is able to fully relax and expel all of the urine in your bladder. It is possible that squatting to pee may be more detrimental than just going full-cheek! DO YOU HEAR ME???
While I am someone who cares about the environment, I have a proposal for those of you who feel like your ass cheeks are too good for public toilets: use the nest method. One of my friends nests all toilets (only when she poops in public because naturally, she squats otherwise). I'm suggesting nesting instead of squatting, which entails using extra toilet paper (sometimes an obscene amount of paper) to make a barrier between the seat and your delicate bits before you sit. That way, the invisible (and non-existent) diseases you are trying to avoid won't touch your skin. When faced with a particularly grimy toilet at a rest stop, for instance, I will employ this method. I wipe the seat first, then I make my nest. It's pretty easy, requires less effort than squatting, AND is kind to the next soul who will use the toilet after me.
Ultimately, that's what it's all about. Being kind to others, and leaving places better than you found them. Right? Imagine the ripple effect we could make if all women joined together in an international pact to end squatting on public toilets. You'd have happier, healthier, drier women ready to face the day with confidence. So, I'm starting the movement. Will you join me?
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