I love words.
The word for lovers of words is "logophile". When I was in college, my favorite word was plethora. I thought it was a beautiful way to describe "a large or excessive amount of something", and as such, I made sure to use the word plethora in every one of my speeches in my public speaking class. It became kind of a game-- my classmates would wait for it to appear in my speech and laugh and carry-on when they finally heard it.
There are many words out there that are strongly disliked by many people-- words like "moist" make people cringe (but when you think of it, would you ever want a dry and crumbly cupcake or a desiccated brownie? Of course not.) "Damp" is another one... I don't mind the word for what it is, but I don't like to think of what can happen when dampness goes untreated... a moldy and mildewy basement? No thanks. I grew up in a home where both parents used the word "slacks" to describe pants one would wear to work, and so I also used the term. This became really awkward in 2012 when I was listening to an NPR story on my way home from work about the "worst words ever" and "slacks" was on the list. I still use it... I think of it as a word that describes pants that aren't "black pants" but also aren't exactly "khakis". They're just slacks. My dad used to say "dungarees" when he was referring to jeans. I have never used this word, other than to say "my dad used to say...". I looked up the word origin for this post, but honestly it's just too long to paraphrase. Short short version-- India. If you're interested in more about it, check the link.
For someone who loves words, there are several that I overuse. One example is "awesome". Literally everything can be awesome to me, either actually awesome ("You won the lottery? That's so awesome!!!") or totally sarcastically awesome ("Donald Trump is a REALLY awesome person for initiating a riot at the US Capitol then denying it ever happened."). My nephew won a soccer game ("That's so awesome!!") and my parents un-invited us to Thanksgiving Dinner because of Covid fears ("Well, that's awesome news..."). I think using this word also helps others know my age-- Awesome is a word that was super popular in the 80s and 90s, but I'm not so sure it's used that often by "kids these days".
In general, I'm not offended by word choice, because I think that words are as unique as the stories they tell. My perspective of an event may require the use of a specific vocabulary, while your perspective would include different language. And then, when you think about the fact that our word choices are developed by our families, our experiences, our interest in books, what we watch-- it's truly fascinating.
There is one word, however, that has recently started getting on my nerves. This word is natural. Natural, as an adjective (or a descriptive word) has 2 definitions according to a simple google search:
1.
existing in or caused by nature; not made or caused by humankind.
"carrots contain a natural antiseptic that fights bacteria"
2.
of or in agreement with the character or makeup of, or circumstances surrounding, someone or something.
"sharks have no natural enemies"
Merriam Webster has 15 (!!) definitions for the word natural in adjective form, and another 5 for natural as a noun. The definitions align with what's above, although with 15 definitions, there are variations on what, exactly, the word is referring to.
So, why do I take offense to a word that literally means existing in nature, caused by nature, not manmade?
Because this word is placed upon things that are inherently NOT natural to trick us into thinking they "better". "Natural" Cheetos? When the HELL have you seen anything that looked like a Cheeto walking around in nature? Remember part of the definition is "not made or caused by humankind"... last time I checked, you can't pick a jar of peanut butter out of the Earth. Or a fruit cup. And don't even get me started on crispy chicken strips. I've never seen one of those waddling around on a farm.
But there's a deeper reason this word bugs me. I was scrolling Insta a few weeks ago and came across a post by Meena Harris, VP Kamala Harris' niece. In it, she posted a TikTok video of herself with the caption, "Remembering that I gave birth naturally not once but twice" and it set me off. Why? Because the use of this term diminishes the other ways in which women have babies. Now, I say this as someone who was all set to go "au natural" with baby O, and whose plans drastically changed at the 11th hour. I also used to pass silent judgment on women who "weren't able to give birth naturally", and if I didn't judge them, then I would pity them for "not being able to do what women have been doing for millennia". This is honest to God truth. I drank the all natural Kool-Aid on birth stories and the horrors of interventions, how women in poorer countries all over the world are able to give birth, sometimes alone, sometimes with just their sisters and mothers there to help them, and how they're all fine and happy. I believed that an "all-natural" birth was the only way to give birth as a real woman. I read Ina May's book, Guide to Natural Childbirth. We skipped over all the sections in any pregnancy book that talked about c-sections and medical interventions because "I'm not going to have to go that route." As usual, the Universe had plans that did not match up to my own. Because of the choices we made leading up to this pregnancy, we were grossly unprepared for the reality that we were facing. Baby O was not positioned correctly-- her left ear was touching her left shoulder in a way that put the right side of her head against the birth canal. There was literally no way she was exiting that way. I begged the midwife, "Please! Re-position her. Do some mid-wifey magic so I don't have to be cut open", but she said she couldn't, because I wasn't dilated enough. I never got past 7 cm, and once I was at 7 for 3 hours, I began to swell and close back up. The door was literally closing.
After the birth, I had a lot of emotions, which are totally "natural". My hormones were all out of whack, and I had a huge, ugly, red scar right across my midsection (thank goodness it was a "bikini cut"). I now matched my mom, whose scar was from me, and my sister, who had 2 babies via c-section. But I didn't feel connected to anyone. For weeks after my delivery, I felt like a failure. I couldn't do the most "natural" of things, the thing women all over the world have been doing for eons. I felt like I had been robbed of the true, "natural" birth experience. I felt inadequate.
This is why words matter. Giving birth IS "natural", no matter how the baby comes out. It doesn't matter if you have an epidural and are in labor for 20 minutes, or if you don't have an epidural and you're in labor for 40 hours. Giving birth both "exists in" and is "caused by nature". But the thing is, according to the definitions above, it's also not "natural" because the whole process begins in a way that is "made or caused by human kind", right? It literally takes 2 to tango, and in my case it took a SLEW of people all over the country to make Baby O a reality. So then, does that mean that my pregnancy and experiences were not "natural" at all? We created a human being from my body. I don't know what's more natural than that.
It also doesn't matter if your child was created from your body or someone else's. What about just the general idea of "creating a family"? Not everyone can or chooses to get pregnant, and so adoption is a common option. Is that type of family any less "natural" than mine or yours? I choose to think no. Love is one of the most natural of human emotions, and it grows and grows and grows exponentially. In my opinion, love makes a family, not the method in which the family was created.
Words matter. They matter a lot. And while I shouldn't let my experience be diminished by someone else's word choice, I also want people to know that word choice can diminish others, whether you mean it to or not.
So let's all agree to get rid of that phrase "natural child birth". It's judgmental and it has negative implications on the myriad ways women are able to have children today. I never want my experiences in life to dampen someone else's.
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